


Paraclausithyron

by JackOfNone



Category: Final Fantasy IV
Genre: Community: mount_ordeals, Crack, F/M, Magic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-28
Updated: 2009-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-03 23:08:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackOfNone/pseuds/JackOfNone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The term comes from the Greek words for "beside (para) a locked(clausi) door (thyron). A paraklausithyron typically includes a lover (an exclusus amator) outside his beloved's door, usually locked by a jealous husband or a disapproving father."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paraclausithyron

"Don't even think about knocking" someone said, in a voice like rustling leaves. "There's no way I'm letting you in."

Edward lowered his hand cautiously and stared at the door. "I beg your pardon?" he asked, hoping the source of the voice would show himself.

The grain of the wood warped and twisted in a way that was vaguely reminiscent of a person furrowing their brow in irritation. "I said," the voice repeated, a knothole swiveling around to regard him, "I'm not letting you in, so piss off."

"...am I addressing a _door_?" Edward asked, taken aback.

"Are you dense? Yes, you're talking to me. Tellah's door. And I'm a very good door, I am, and I don't let in anyone without the master's permission."

Edward blinked, and squinted at the door. He had always had the distinct impression that the house was glaring at him whenever he paid a visit, but he had chalked it up to days of dodging the hostile old man who inhabited it. But the situation seemed very clear now that he actually took a good look at it -- the _door_ was definitely staring at him with a distinct expression of woodsy malevolence.

Well, this was the house of a wizard -- perhaps the most renowned wizard all the world, no less. His father's court magicians could conjure flames from the air by speaking a single word...Edward supposed it might not be so difficult for a master of both Arts to produce a talking door. He shrugged and decided it was best to play along.

"Call Anna, then. She'll recognize me."

"No doubt," the door said icily. "But she's not allowed to open me."

"Not allowed?" Edward said. "Anna's not a child -- surely she's allowed to open the door to her own house!"

"Ordinarily, yes," the door replied. "But the master said I wasn't to open for you in particular under any circumstances. In fact, he mentioned you by name. Twice, if I'm correct in assuming that 'worthless, skulking two-gil tune-peddler' is also you."

Edward bit his lip. "Did he really say all that?"

"Oh, that's positively mild compared to some of the things he's said."

Apparently the Sage was in the habit of making disparaging remarks to the furniture. Edward was well aware that Anna's father detested him, but somehow this seemed to be crossing the line.

"Look here," Edward said, leaning in close to what he assumed was the door's face, "if you don't let me in, I might have to do something drastic."

"Like what?" the door sneered. "Set fire to me? Knock me down with a hammer, perhaps? Chop me into firewood?"

Edward sat down on the stoop, ducked out of the strap that held his harp slung at his side, and settled the instrument on his knee. "Nothing so violent," he said, a smile creeping across his face. "I'm simply going to sit here and lament the cruel whims of fate."

"All night?" the door asked, with what Edward suspected was a note of trepidation. He plucked the strings tunelessly.

"You'd be surprised how many songs there are on the subject."

"Don't waste your breath. You can't melt my heart with pretty words. I haven't got a heart, for starters."

"Oh, I'm not trying to melt anyone's heart," Edward said. "I"m trying to make life difficult."

"...are you trying to _blackmail_ me?" the door said, squinting its knotholes.

Edward's fingers flew across the strings as he launched straight into the chorus of the most repetitive, cloying song he knew. "That's a very...uncouth way to put it," he said, barely suppressing a grin. He repeated the chorus, louder and slightly off-key.

"No wonder the master hates you," the door growled. Edward chuckled.

A soft tapping on the other side of the door startled Edward out of the third iteration of the chorus. The door's grain wrenched around in visible irritation as Edward leaned to close to the crack between the door and the surrounding frame.

"What on earth...Edward? Is that you? You sound --"

"Off key. I know," Edward said apologetically. "I was trying to annoy the door," he said, by way of explanation. It did sound a bit ridiculous once he actually said it out loud.

"Don't worry about that," Anna said. "Father had it carved from a treant that was causing trouble when we lived in Mysidia."

Edward grimaced. "That sounds...gruesome."

"I thought so, too, but honestly it doesn't seem to mind."

"It was fine until I had to deal with this idiot," the door muttered. "And don't think the master won't ask if you've been talking around me!"

"It seems to be impassible," Edward said.

"Yes, and I wouldn't try the back door either -- it's even ruder than the front," Anna replied. There was a brief moment of silence, after which a piece of folded paper slid onto the stoop from under the door. Edward unfolded it carefully, and found written on it in Anna's precise cursive _It pretends, but the door can't actually see very well, only hear. Can you climb?_

"A pity," Edward said, and rummaged around in his pack for his quill and inkwell. _Not very well_, he added to the paper, and slid it back under the door. It was quickly returned, with _Then give me five minutes and come to the side of the house facing the town._

"I'm sorry, Edward," Anna said, with a convincing note of wistful sadness. "I'd rather you not waste your time out here when you could be safe in bed."

"I suppose you're right," Edward said, and stood up with his harp in his arms. "I'll concede defeat and take my leave."

"You're a terrible liar," Edward heard the door mutter, as he turned to go.

Anna was just alighting on the sand when Edward came around to the side of Tellah's house. The shutters of a second-story window -- her window -- stood open, curtains fluttering in the breeze.

"Edward!" Anna cried, beaming brightly as the moon above. She flung herself into Edward's arms, laughing, and he caught her with a minimum of stumbling. She appeared to have done little more than throw a cloak over her nightgown before exiting through the window.

"Did you climb all that way?" Edward asked. Anna nodded. "Then how are you going to --" As if anticipating his question, Anna closed her eyes and, disengaging one arm from around Edward's waist, waved it in a peculiar pattern. There was a creak of hinges as the shutters slammed themselves shut.

"A little trick I picked up," Anna said with a mischievous smile. "And the back door owes me a favor, so I can get back in without Father being the wiser."

"Are you sure about--" Edward began, but Anna put a finger to his lips.

"I won't hear any objections. The weather's perfect, the stars are beautiful, and Father's away for the night. It would be criminal not to take a walk around the oasis at least."

Edward smiled ruefully. "I suppose you're right," he said. Anna released herself from their embrace and took him by the hand. "It's not as romantic as the stories say, you know."

"What isn't?" Anna asked.

"Pining away on your lover's doorstep all night," Edward replied. "Especially when the door talks back."

"Don't feel obligated to do so for my sake," Anna said. "Although I am flattered -- I don't think anyone's ever tried to argue past the door."

"It's very...persistent," Edward said. "Besides your father and your front door, is there anything else in your house that's branded me as an undesirable?"

"There's the cat, but I wouldn't worry too much about that. I don't think she likes anybody."

Edward looked up, over the dark blood-red of Anna's hair and into the vast expanse of starry sky. It really was a beautiful night -- he could see the light of the moons reflected off the surface of the oasis, hardly ruffled by the gentle night breeze.

"It's terribly unfair," Edward said, "that we can't enjoy a night like this without one of us climbing through windows like a criminal."

"It's either that, or next time you skip the flowers and bring a crowbar," Anna said. "My father will come around. Just give it time. For now, it's a double full moon and it absolutely _would_ be criminal to waste it." Edward had no argument for that, so he let Anna take him by the hand and lead him towards Kaipo, where one by one the lights were winking out as the town drifted off to sleep.

The poets, Edward reflected, had been right about the glittering stars and the peaceful night breeze and your beloved's laughter being better than any music. A real pity, then, that they were right about locked doors and angry fathers too.


End file.
